I wish, I wish, I wish

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Hi, I hope you have been tagging along the last couple of blogs. 

We have been talking about two phrases that determine the course of your life.  Each of these two phrases has as its key word… “If”.

The two simple phrases are, “What if…” and “If only…”.

We spent the last blog talking about the “What if” phrase.  It is the phrase that is future focused.  The positive application of this little phrase charts a life course and loads it with possibilities.

But as we all know, there are always two sides to a coin.  The other side of this coin is “If only…”.

Whereas the “What if…” mindset takes control of one’s life, “If only…” thinking relinquishes control.

“If Only…”

I hope I don’t sound judgmental, but I do not understand why some people choose to occupy space on this side of the coin.

Don’t get me wrong.  I have my share of “If only…” experiences in my life too.  I would have liked to have some things different.  Some were no fault of my own and some are totally the result of my own hand.

But the past is the past and I REFUSE to give it the attention or energy it tries to demand.  Looking backwards is energy used in the wrong direction.

Sadly, I know several people who are consumed with things that happened (or didn’t happen) to them in the past. 

Before we go any further it is important to note that I am not arguing with the fact that bad things happen to people.  It’s sad but true, some terrible things happen to people.  Things that are completely unfair and wrong.  

I am not debating the fairness of anyone’s particular situation, good or bad… but I am saying this… spending time on the “only if…” side of life is a losing proposition

Not only is it a losing proposition, “If only…” is victim position.  And victims feel they have no choice… except maybe revenge… but that poison pill is more deadly than refusing to let go.

There is NO win at all for expending energy in that direction.

Just so you know, I am not saying it’s an easy task.  Negative things in our lives are pretty tough hombres… they’re tough to kill. 

We think we have finally buried them and without notice we feel the slimy hand reach from a shallow grave to grab us once again.

Wishing something did or didn’t happen doesn’t change it.  The anger or resentment one hangs on to only breathes life into the death spiral.

We begin to live off the carcass of a dead past.  We sort of become the road kill on the highway of life. 

But the good news is there are other options to lying on the side of the road with tire tracks across our middle.

The scars you abhor as marks of pain become symbols of strength and character.  That’s the amazing prize of victory. 

I am inspired by J.R. Martinez.  In 2003, Martinez sustained severe burns to over 40 percent of his body while serving as a United States Army infantryman in Iraq.

As many of you know he is an actor and recent winner of the TV show Dancing With the Stars

Obviously from the picture we can see his scars are external.  He is a remarkable example of not choosing the victim phrase of “If only…”.

Its remarkable how small words can be so powerful… it all depends on how we choose to look at them.

Ciao… see you Monday.

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