Posts Tagged: lies


5
Sep 13

The Lie about Lying

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Just so you know, I’m not trying to be cutesy with the title.  I don’t want to dilute the message of this blog entry by trying to be clever.

It may sound weird but there are lies about lying… really.

When I look at the issue of lying and habitual liars in particular, I tend to see people falling into three groups.

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Side Note: My writing about lying seems very strange to me.  I don’t know much about lying.  Frankly, lying is not one of my personal issues.  Believe me when I say I have plenty of flat spots in my life… but lying isn’t one of them

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As I was saying, I see habitual liars falling into three groups.

Group One:  Proud Liar

As mentioned in my previous blog entry, there are people who are really good liars… and proud of it.  They clearly know they are liars and are proud of having mastered the art of deception and enjoy working their craft.

After a successful display of deception they stand puffed in conquest over the carcass of the gullible.

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The essence of lying is in deception, not in words.

-        John Ruskin

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Group Two:  Diluted Liar

There are those who know they stretch the truth or may leave out relevant facts to reach their end goal.  But they have no idea that they are in reality, habitual liars.  They have lived in the shadowy world of lies for so long that their lives have lost distinction of color between truth and lies… there only exists shades of grey.

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The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

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This type of liar, lies to himself.  They conveniently apply the same false logic to themselves as they do to their prey.

They alter the reality of who they are to accommodate the lie they want to believe about themselves.  They lie to themselves, and believe the lie that they are not liars.  They justify their craft by believing that they are not as bad as other people, or that the situation demands the stretching of truth.

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I do myself a greater injury in lying than I do him of whom I tell a lie.

- Michel de Montaigne

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Group Three:  Trapped Liar

These are the people who have given in to their dark side and have done things that no one knows.  They live a lie and are entombed by their hidden choices.

They live in fear that someone will find out the things they have done and their world will collapse.  As much as they put on a good face to the world, fear is slowly suffocating the life out of them.  They feel the slide of the slippery slope into the darkness.

To the person reading this who is in this last group… I say very directly and loudly…don’t believe the lie that there is no way out.

Yes, there may be consequences for decisions you have made.  But the ability to breathe the fresh air of freedom is worth it.

This blog entry is not meant to be dramatic.  I write what I think I am to write.  Who knows, God may use my simple words to do a profound work in someone’s life… maybe yours.

See you later.

Ciao.


27
Aug 13

The Truth About Lying

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I am not totally sure why I am digging into this topic today.  Nothing has happened in my own life that added the flake that started the avalanche of thought.

But I feel pressed about this topic, so I write.  I am a firm believer that God on occasion (probably a lot more than we think) will reach down and prod someone to do something for the purpose of helping someone else.

So I believe that I am writing this for someone.  I don’t know who it is, but someone out there in cyberspace needs to hear about and think about lying.  I have a feeling this topic will require more than one blog entry to do it

Here goes.  I want to tell you the truth about lying.

First of all, it’s important to know that I am not going to get into the weeds of what constitutes fibs and white lies.  Yes, telling children there’s a Santa and a Tooth Fairy is a lie.  We have our adult versions of white lies too; such as telling someone you’re busy so you won’t have to go to lunch with them.

Spending time to dissect this surface layer of lying will only clutter the landscape and keep us from the deeper truth about lies.

Let’s be real for a moment.  You know when you lie.  You know the kind of lie I’m talking about.  The lie you tell (or the truth you don’t tell) that crosses the line where trust is violated and destruction begins.

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I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

- Tim Allen

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There is an insidiousness about lying that corrupts us on levels we cannot gauge and distorts the reality around us.

A lie can be a blatant mistruth or the withholding a truth.  Some people lie just as boldly by leaving out information or a truth as one who conjures up misinformation.

As I said, lies are insidious.

There are some people where lying has become an art form.  They actually take pride in their art to manipulate and distort and then brag about their exploits.

They laugh at the gullibility of the trusting and afterward arrogantly preen their egos by reflecting on their skill to manipulate.

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The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.

- Stephen King

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But what the liar does not grasp is the fact that their mind becomes darkened by the lies they tell and they are unaware of the trap they have created for themselves.

They are consumed in a lie they do not see.  Lost in a life that has no reality.

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The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.

- George Bernard Shaw

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We’ll continue digging in to the issue of truth and lies next time.

See you later.

Ciao.


16
Oct 12

Distorting the distorted truth

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Welcome back.

As you know we are in the throws of a very aggressive Presidential election.

Yes, I do plan on talking about politics.  But NO, I am not going to talk about a particular candidate or party.

I of course have a preference as to which candidate I think will be the best option for our great country but that is irrelevant to this blog.

This blog is about the fact that I am extremely frustrated with all politicians in general and both political parties.

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Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
- Henry A. Kissinger
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I don’t know about you but politicians really irritate me.

It seems that all politicians ever do are take shots at each other and speak to us in scripted sound bites.  They don’t give us the big picture of their philosophy or values.

It doesn’t matter what side of the political aisle they because both sides are just as guilty.

They must think the American public are a bunch of idiots.

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If career politicians had the solutions, we wouldn’t be in the mess that we are.
- Rick Scott

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Just for the record, there is no question we have our fair share of really stupid people… all you have to do is look at any one of the several Jackass movies.

But for the most part we are a country made up of hard working people trying to make a life for themselves and their family.

It’s true that some people have more formal education than others, some make more money, we’re large and small, pretty and plain, and many different religions.

But the vast majority loves their country.  We may have different views on what the country needs, but love it nonetheless.

I believe everyone has some basic God given common sense.  There are things that we intuitively know to be good and bad or right and wrong.  I am not talking about a moral sense of right or wrong in this case but a right or wrong in regards to dealing with life situations.

The problem is we don’t get “real information” to make an assessment of the situation.  Everything we hear is spun, twisted, distorted and completely altered to benefit the political bent of the person providing the information.

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I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
- Charles de Gaulle

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We are forced to make important decisions based on truth that is projected through the lens of a kaleidoscope.

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They make it look all pretty but truth is not to be found.

The sad reality is that this distorted truth poisons the well of our mind and then we mangle the truth even more because of our faulty lens.

This all sounds dreary and heavy, but not necessarily.

If we are willing to set aside our programmed notions then we have a better chance to sort through the clutter and find truth.

The most difficult thing as an individual is to realize that our lens is distorted and are willing to test the very beliefs we have.

This takes work and is extremely challenging but oh so rewarding.  Take a chance.

See you Thursday.

Ciao.


13
Jul 12

The Big Lie

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Hi… Welcome back.

I know that I have talked about this topic several times over the past two and a half years but it is something that is both important and frankly, it keeps resurfacing.

So I am compelled to write what I feel I am to write.  Who knows, maybe it is specifically for you.  Or it could be for me.  I don’t know yet because I don’t know what I am about to write.

Basically the topic is about the way we think… what we believe.

I cannot overstate the power our beliefs have in our lives.  Our lives and the actions in our lives reflect what we believe.

That’s why it’s always important to be willing to test our beliefs and assumptions.  The problem is we tend to only test the beliefs we have some question about.

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This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question.

– Orson Scott Card
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To be able to test and eventually change our beliefs we have to be open.  Open to information, facts and ideas.

I’m not talking about a frenzied and morbid introspection where you are questioning every detail of your life… not at all.

I am talking about just being willing to be open to facts and situations that cause us to ask questions about what we believe.

If you look at what you believe now compared to when you were young you can probably list quite a few things that you know to be different than what you were taught or once believed.

As you think about the beliefs you had when you were younger you can clearly see how behaviors reflected those beliefs.

You will also find that there are some beliefs that have remained the same… they stood the test of scrutiny.

Here’s something else to think about as you explore your beliefs and determine what you think needs testing.

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If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?

– Dr. Robert Anthony
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Is your life where you want it to be?  Most of us would answer this by saying that there are lots of things I love about my life and there are some things I want or need to change.

The things you know you need changing are a result of some type of faulty belief.  Yep… faulty belief.

There are two important truths about beliefs that we need to keep in mind.

First, actions follow beliefs.

We act out what we believe.  If you believe you are a failure… you will act it out.

If you believe you are not as talented as your co-workers your actions will reflect it by being too tentative, or too defensive, or being too hard headed.  But your actions (generally the destructive behaviors) are a result of your beliefs.

Once again, a good way to determine what you really believe is to look at what you do.

The second truth is that we look for evidence to validate our beliefs.  We constantly look for evidence to prove our beliefs.

We will look for anything to prove we are right in what we believe.  If you have a favorite celebrity that is caught in a scandal you will look for the things that disprove the evidence.

Conversely, if there is a celebrity that you loath you will read into anything you hear or read to validate what you believe about them.

Yes… we are all twisted that way.  But the important thing is to understand that we do it.

Another really important learning here is that these truths apply to the good things about us as well as the bad.

The good things we believe are also reflected in our behaviors.

So the question may be, why focus primarily on the negative.

The reason we tend to focus on the negative beliefs is that negative things create the greatest drag or obstacles on our moving forward.  So in reality we are focusing on the areas that if addressed will have the greatest impact.

Well, I’ve written enough.

See you Monday.

Ciao.


29
Jun 12

Time to Weed!

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Howdy… I’m back.

Toward the end of the last blog I started talking about lies that we tell ourselves and how destructive they are to us.

I am not talking about lies in general.  I am talking about the lies we believe… the ones that strangle the life out of the good we want to do and keeps us incarcerated in the invisible prison of perception.

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We cripple ourselves with lies.
-  Jim Morrison
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I feel the need to do a little more digging about this topic.  Digging around the topic of lies is not an easy task.  Lies are like an insidious weed.

One would think that you can simply pluck it up and rid yourself of the unsightly pest.  But the removal of the stem is only the portion that shows on the surface.

In actuality you have not removed the weed (the lie) because over time it has developed a vast network of roots that have wormed their way deep into the soil.

So the question is, how do we rid ourselves of lies?

First we must have the “want to”.

Let’s be real for a moment… lies have successfully rooted because for some people they serve a purpose.

Yep, served a purpose.  They can be very convenient excuses not to change.

To add to the complexity, the lies that are the most vile are the ones that have a kernel of truth.  The trap becomes when we focus on the speck of truth and cannot (or will not) see the massive lie that surrounds.

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A lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies.
-  Alfred Lord Tennyson
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As I said in the last blog, you cannot free yourself from a lie until you believe that you have lies.  And the reality is… we all have lies that we believe to some degree.

I ran across a quote that talks about believing lies.  I am not totally sure I buy in to it completely but it makes me think and examine the truth in the quote.

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People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to.
-  Malcolm Muggeridge
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Like I said, I don’t know for sure if I totally believe it but it makes me think.

OK… back to the lies we know.

The best way you kill the weed lies is not by an exhaustive digging into the dirty soil.  This approach can easily become a morbid introspection that is both discouraging and tedious.

I believe the best way to rid yourself of most lies is two ways.  You either destroy by neglect or you displace it with truth.

To destroy by neglect means that you don’t nurture them.  Believe it or not you can feed and nurture weeds.  But Why?

This is rather faulty rationale but from a distance weeds look green like grass.  By keeping people at a distance they can’t tell what’s healthy grass or rampant weeds.

So the first step… don’t feed them… neglect them.  Identify them for what they are and let them go.

It does help smother the weeds if you have truth but at the very least we need not feed them.

I do believe (and I have been there) that we may not know what the truth is in our lives.  But the power of putting the lie in its place frees us to embrace truth.

Go ahead… destroy by neglect.

See you Monday.


26
Jun 12

Down the drain!

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Hi… me again.

Yes, I am a day late.  I promised the blog on Monday and now it’s Tuesday.  This has been happening a lot lately, but at least I’m getting it done.

Writing this blog has been really weird the past few weeks.  I mentioned about eight blog entries back that I grabbed hold of a full speed freight train (new career) and my life has been a whirlwind ever since.

Everything is moving around so quickly that it’s a challenge to keep my nose above water.

Humm… let’s hope the swirling water isn’t the pull of the drain.  I don’t think so.

The sensation is more like that of a rushing stream than the flush of the toilet.  Thank goodness!

But I am barely keeping my nose above water none-the-less.

Now in the old days I would have been beating myself up pretty hard because I would have been feeling that I let people down by not living up to my commitment.

Or… this is the biggie… I would worry that I disappointed that person.  They were expecting something from me and I didn’t measure up.  I would get all frazzled wondering what they were thinking of me.

Yes, I know, I messed with my head regularly.  But I don’t think I am the only one who has ever done that.

But all of this brings up a point for you to ponder.

What goes on in your head that you know hinders the quality of your life?

Weird huh?  The fact that we all (this means everyone, including you) invest energy thinking about that we know hinders our quality of life.  I mean… how dumb is that?!

But sadly, it’s true.

I don’t know what your mental poison is but I spent my time (and still do to some degree) getting down on myself because I thought I might have disappointed someone – let them down.

Disappointing people may not be your poison pill but you have your own.

I could try to be an armchair psychiatrist by trying to figure out why disappointing people is an issue but that too is a rabbit hole with its own traps.

Holes like this can easily become a complex self-defeating maze that sucks the energy that could be channeled in a more productive direction.

The scary reality is this; there are a lot of things in our head that we believe to be true that are actually lies.

We act out our lives based on these lies.  And don’t even know it.

The first big step is to really believe that we may have lies in our heads.  We may not know which are lies but at least we are on the right path.

Some lies may be very subtle and take time to discover.  My recommendation is not to worry about those too much.

I guarantee you there are some big lies right in front of us like a big fat zit that we have been calling a beauty mark.

Some of these big honker zit lies are things like…

-        You’ve made too many mistakes

-        You’ve waited too long

-        You’re not good enough

-        What does this guy know… he doesn’t know my situation

-        I’ve failed before

You name it… it’s a ZIT… Pop it now.

Yes, I know it’s kind of a gross analogy.  But maybe it will drive home a point.

Thanks for stopping by.  Hopefully you will visit again on Thursday.

See you then.